We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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