I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
