youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
