im about as happy as oj after his trial
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Randomize
