broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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