4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
