a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
