He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
