That's when you crack a 10am beer
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
