"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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