tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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