I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
