Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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