it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
