I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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