I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
