i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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