dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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