My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
