you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
