somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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