He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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