Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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