I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
