cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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