I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
