1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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