You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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