my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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