we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
then he tried to convert me to islam
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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