I think I am morally bankrupt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is my gift to your gina
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
God, I missed his penis.
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