Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
