if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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