I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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