can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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