the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
the raccoons are back...
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