she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
