What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
