I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
