I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We named our party play list daddy issues
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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