I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
