remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
