i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
