We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
