He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
