I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
