I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The Olympian is in my bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
