i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
