you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
