I wish I could punch you in the face.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
