We should be called the Road Head Warriors
zippers are such a cool invention
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
