Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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