I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
