there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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