I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
