Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
